Lessons in Lucrative Love
by PetraAmia
Summary: Luna & Neville One Shot. Borne of healthy competition between me and my fiance. Neville is looking for a serum to nurse some plants back to life when he finds a curious little shop. T for some sexual themes.


**Authors Note:**

 _SOOOOOO This is a thing that happened.. backstory: My Fiance is from the UK, and I recently got him to watch Harry Potter with me. Since I got him to watch it and dive headlong into fangirling with me, we had a challenge today to write a fic. Now I had him pick the couple, Neville and Luna, and I had a prompt challenge that I hadn't done yet, it was 100 different words, and he picked the number. Money was the prompt. He wrote one and I wrote one, and this is what I came up with in about an hour. Enjoy: As always I own NOTHING HP related. xxx_

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The crisp spring air was in full force as Neville Longbottom navigated the cobblestone street that was Diagon Alley. The tall wizard was on the hunt for a particular serum that he could use to bring some life back to a small crop of plants he wanted to show his Herbology students next year. _Noltie's Botanical Novelties_ was going to be his best bet, if they did not have what he was looking for then he was going to have to go to the Apothecary and secure himself some ingredients. It was true that Neville was never the best at potions during his time as a student in Hogwarts, however he had found that he had a rather apt hand for the craft once Professor Snape was no longer leering down his hook nose at him. Making the serum himself was not something he was looking forward to however since it would take over a month to brew and he wasn't sure that was going to be enough time to get the seedlings ready.

It was on his way to _Noltie's_ that he noticed a curious little shop _Bewitching Brews_ tucked into a nook where something unremarkable once stood. The shops windows were darkened, like the rest of the shop, but there seemed to be a purple tint. Never really being one for adventure, Neville began to walk down the alley, but something kept making him turn to look back at the shop. He trudged forward, he was on a mission remember, and found his way to _Noltie's_. He struck out there, they did not have the serum, and then the apothecary was out of two of the vital ingredients he needed that he could not source from Hogwarts. Rewriting his curriculum for the fourth years in his head he realized that his feet had brought him back to _Bewitching Brews_ of their own accord. _**Well I've tried everywhere else...**_ he thought to himself as he reached for the door and let himself inside.

 _Bewitching Brews_ was slightly less dark on the inside as it was on the exterior; deep purples and sapphire decorated the walls and there seemed to be a slight smoky incense on the air. Patchouli if he remembered correctly. The walls were lined with glass shelves and potions a plenty, but as he got closer to examine them hit cheeks began to warm. **_These were bewitching brews alright, Merlin's beard I am in some sort of... sex_ _shop!_**

"I wouldn't recommend the heating lubricant Neville, the cooling one will work much better for you." Seductively sweet tones came from behind him, sliding over his body like a caress, he knew that voice. Hadn't heard it in ages, but he could pick Luna Lovegood's voice out of a crowd. "Of course, I don't think you really need any of those at all. I don't think you have performance issues, although depending on which orifice you might consider one of these," he waved her arm at a wall behind her with a careless wave.

Neville was sure his mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water and his cheeks resembled something close a Weasley wig. "P...p...performance enhancers?" He was mortified to learn that even as a grown man of 23 his voice still cracked When it went up too high in octaves. "Er Luna... I... do... What I mean to say is.. er.. Do you... worker?"

"I am the proprietor, I started this little shop after my 18th birthday. I do loads of owl orders, discreet packaging and all. Its quite lucrative you know. All kinds of witches and wizards come in to make purchases or to pick up a catalog. In fact Narcissa Malfoy just sent in some money for one of our newest toys, I imagine it gets rather lonely at home with your husband in prison." Luna twirled her hair around her finger before motioning behind her to send a catalog into Neville's hands. "If you are ever interested." The smile on her face was shy and aloof, just as Neville remembered. Luna always had this carefree spirit and its what he loved most about her. Even after being held in the Malfoy dungeon, she had come back to Hogwarts and acted as if nothing happened. "I do quite like this one," she whispered into his ear.

 _ **When had she gotten so close?**_ Neville was sure he was the temperature of the sun with the amount of sweat on his brow, _**Great Godric she was so close... and she smells of spearmint and sandalwood**_ Freezing when he swore he could feel her teeth in his earlobe, "wh... what?" He knew words, he was sure, but they were all failing him at this moment. A tall blue vial was pressed into his hands as she pulled away and brushed his cheek with a kiss.

"Come back around seven to test it." Her hips sashayed as she moved back into the back of the shop.

"s...seven?" _**Yeah good job Nev, can we get through a whole sentence next time?**_ "Test what?" _ **Better...**_

"The cooling lubricant, of course." **_Whelp I had knees..._** "My flat is right upstairs..."

"Right, seven." Neville mumbled as he all but ran from the shop and out into the crisp air of Diagon Alley. "Cooling Lubricant..." he mumbled with a funny sort of hysterical laugh and he headed for the Leaky. He needed a drink well before seven, or that witch was going to be the death of Hogwarts Herbology teacher.


End file.
